My Diagnosis.

This is most definitely one of the most daunting things I have ever done as I absolutely hate people reading anything I have written, I genuinely have a fear of reading out anything to a group of people and writing this kind of seems the equivalent of that, but I suppose eliminates my shaking voice!  But with a lot of encouragement from friends and family I've decided to bite the bullet and just do it.

So considering this is my first post I thought it would only be fitting to write about how it was discovered I had this disease and my diagnosis. I've chosen to write about this in no way to scare anyone at all, but in the hopes that if anyone has a fear of going to the doctor because they are afraid of what they may be told, which was most definitely me, it encourages you to get anything you know is not right checked. Most of the time this fear will most likely amount to something completely minor, but instances where it may be a little more serious, time is so important.

From the summer of 2017 to the winter of that year, I had felt as if I had constantly been getting a series of colds and sore throats, which after one clearing it wasn't long before the next came around. Now this wasn't out of the ordinary for me I have always had streaming eyes and a sniffy nose, even the fatigue at the time wasn't really jumping out at me. I had mentioned to my mam a few times that no matter how many hours sleep I had gotten I was still tired. It was not the kind of tiredness that would cripple me so I thought I may just need a tonic so I carried on with work, college and everyday life as normal. It wasn't until September that I had actually decided to go the doctor after I had felt a lump on my neck which I was informed was the result of swollen glands from a viral infection and would take a few weeks to go down. Due to the fact it was viral there was no medication I needed and I was told I was over the worst of it. Fast forward to November, this lump had developed into a quite prominent bulging on the right side of my neck. Something in me was uneasy with the size the lump had grown and despite the Doctor's reassurance two months previous that is was a swollen gland, I returned to my GP. I had an appointment with a different Doctor in the surgery this time (Who is absolutely amazing) where after examination had told me the same thing as before. Due to the swelling being quite far down on my neck, during her examination she had failed to feel it. I had put off going the Doctor for two months because of the fear of what this lump may signal, but at that moment my fear of what may be was outweighed by my need for reassurance and I had asked her to feel this lump.

I had attended the Doctor on November 14th and following what I presume were urgent blood tests and a chest X-Ray by November 17th, three days later, I was sitting in A&E being told by the Haematology team what they suspected it was, Hodgkin's Lymphoma. Alongside the swelling on my neck, the X-Ray had shown another tumour in my chest. It was by far the most frightening and helpless situation I had ever been in. I had never seen my eyes so puffy and red, I don't even remember crying but from the photo of that night with those eyes there is no way I hadn't! It is probably the worst picture I have ever seen of myself but I'm honestly so glad my mam took it because when I look at it I am sooo proud of how much I've grown as a person since that day.

From that Friday until the following Tuesday I stayed in the hospital where I had blood tests most days, a CT Scan and on Tuesday the dreaded Biopsy which was not so bad whatsoever. I couldn't feel a thing! The scar I was left with is so so small and whatever they needed to put 

on my neck to highlight the area even provided for some laughs as it resembled the dodgiest fake tan fail ever!!

When the results of the biopsy came back about a week later it had only confirmed what they had initially thought, it was Hodgkin's Lymphoma. Not long after, I started Chemotherapy on December 1st and I'm hoping to finish it very soon! My latest scan has shown that I am responding extremely well to the ABVD treatment I am receiving and I'm extremely optimistic that hopefully soon I will be cancer free.

Despite the last six months being extremely challenging in so many ways and although some days I look in the mirror and don't even recognise myself anymore I am so beyond blessed. Whenever I get my down days, which of course I do, I make it a point to tell myself how lucky I am, how much worse my situation could have been and how there are people out there so much less fortunate than I am. I wanted to share this post not to seem gloomy or come across as if I pity myself, because that is the exact opposite of what I want to achieve, but rather if any other person is ever diagnosed with this disease or any other disease, to show there is such light past your diagnosis. Yes, when you get told you have or anyone else around you has Cancer, you're going to think the worst. I did and I'm sure my family did. But apart from all the downsides which is certainly has, I believe it can be such a life altering experience in so many positive ways. Without sounding so cringe I know this has shaped me into the person I am supposed to be and I want to be able to offer any comfort, help and advice to anyone that may find themselves in the same situation I did. 

I hope with this blog to turn something that has been essentially my greatest fear realised into something I can look back and be proud of. Thank you so so so much to anybody that takes the time to read this, I know its quite lengthy, hopefully it may give you the encouragement no matter what your situation, to just do whatever makes you happy because there is seriously no predicting what the future holds for anybody.

Claire xo